I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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