I've blown a few things in my day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
