I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
