he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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