How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
