Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize