I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
