Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
