I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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