If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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