So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
