I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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