I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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