Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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