Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
