TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
