Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
