just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
