he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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