And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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