Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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