Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
