Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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