somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
