God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You need Xanax blowdarts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
