Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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