I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
