I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
