Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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