I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
