i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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