Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
