i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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