Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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