3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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