watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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