when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
