Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
