You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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