I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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