I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
