About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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