Kiss
Puke
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
