remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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