Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
