I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
