HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
