I must be too annoying 4 u.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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