I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
