so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
