Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
