i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
