just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mom said you looked used
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
