Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize