uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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