It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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