thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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