my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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