The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
