oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
