He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
