So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
