There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
