So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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