I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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