i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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